Take It As Red

With thanks to the readers of expatica.com, of various nationalities.

1. You don't bother picking up after your dog. Or yourself, especially on the beach. This is someone else's job.

2. You hate the Germans, the Jews, the Moroccans and the Turks. The rest of the world you merely look down upon - especially the Americans.

3. You don't particularly like working too hard, and you think people in English-speaking countries are insane to work as hard as they do.

4. You think you speak English. You know you don't speak French but you like to pretend you do. You understand German more than you like to admit.

5. When you see an opportunity, you take it. Owning Indonesia was the best thing ever.

6. You hate it when anyone or anything gets in your way.

7. You go to birthday parties without presents.

8. You are an expert at marketing weak points as strong points. "Vol is vol."

9. You hate it when people make fun of your country. You are desperate for international recognition. You want the world to think of your country as the nation of Anne Frank; not the nation of Maarten Kuiper.

10. You are not particularly concerned about cleanliness and health, and you think that the Americans are too obsessed with this.

11. You think that politeness and friendliness must be phoney.

12. You love the idea that dope and prostitution is legal in the Netherlands, but you know that this is mainly for the tourists. Dutch people don't do these things.

13. You expect to have the government provide everything for you.

14. You love insurance and dislike taking risks of any kind.

15. You are good at technical matters. You're not that good at coming up with new ideas. You depend on the BBC for good programming ideas.

16. You're afraid of losing your woning. And if you own your house, you would rather die in the house than sell at a loss.

17. You feel you had a superior education. You know your four year Dutch university degree is the equivalent of a Master's anywhere else.
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18. You think it’s normal that your employer would have a lunchroom and that you would sit down for lunch with all your colleagues every day. You don’t leave the table before everyone else does unless you’re sure they won’t start ripping you apart.

19. You think Holland is going to hell, but you also think that foreigners should not discuss this. You enjoy complaining about the government, taxes, traffic fines and the immigrants with your Dutch friends. As soon as a foreigner contributes to the conversation you'll immediately start defending all the policies you've just attacked.

20. You have filled your home with new DVD players and flat screen TVs. You enjoy going on holiday in a luxury caravan pulled by a huge SUV. But when other people have or do these things, you think it’s extravagant.

21. You’re not the slightest bit embarrassed when you see Surinamers watching Zwarte Piet at the Sinterklaas parade. You’re angry at any criticism of this lovely old tradition.

22. You think that teaching children stereotypes about other cultures develops their imagination. You enjoy watching a popular TV show in which a blond Dutchwoman pretends to be a buffoonish Japanese woman.

23. You think it’s OK to make sexual or even obscene remarks in front of women – funny even.

24. You think that sex is just one more "leuke dingen om te doen", falling somewhere on the pleasure scale between playing board games and discussing rumours.

25. You love to gossip. You know that gossip could well be true because the person who told you heard it directly from someone else.

26. If you see a queue, you will join it until you find out what it is for. If you know what the queue is for, then you will immediately start thinking of ways to get around it.

27. You yourself speed when you think you can get away with it, but you resent it when you see Germans and Belgians on the highway doing the same thing. They should follow Dutch laws when in the Netherlands.

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